Sunday, April 17, 2022



Before going any further, let's first understand what the word loneliness means. According to the Indonesian Dictionary, "lonely" means a state of solitary, quiet, empty. This is correct. However, I would personally add more definitions according to personal experience.

Lonely can also mean isolated, alone, single. Does being single automatically mean you’re lonely? Are couples automatically feel fulfilled and not lonely? Why is loneliness important for us to discuss and understand? Here's what I think.

I think loneliness is a condition when our soul feels empty, alone, detached, dispassionate, unloved, and when we feel no one can support or comfort us. Why can our souls feel that way? He or she must have been treated unfairly, rendering it ultimately broken or injured. An empty soul cannot be forced to love or give. In fact, this empty soul is waiting to be loved, cherished, and comforted.

Generally, because being alone is closely related to loneliness, many people often misunderstood how to deal with it. Many think that to get rid of loneliness is to get married. Being married fills us with the hope that someone else will fill the void inside, that we will be loved.

In this way, we are actually waiting for someone else to fill our void and emptiness. In this case, someone who feels empty can often be very demanding towards their partner in a relationship. They need and demand the partner to fulfill their needs.

If by chance the person we seek to become our partner is also still single, it’s not problematic. However, what if our crush already has a partner? This is the beginning of the emergence of the phenomenon of “pelakor” or a person who ruins a couple’s relationship. 

How can infidelity happen? If he or she already has a partner, why do they still have an affair, is the partner still not enough? No, infidelity Is not about the partner, it's about his/her empty soul.

The self that always feels lonely continues and is always looking for the fulfillment of his/her emptiness outside, even though there is already a partner. A precarious condition!


Why We Feel Lonely

Where did this loneliness come from? How can an individual be lonely or feel empty inside? – let's go back to our origins. This loneliness starts from our earliest days in this world when we first learn about what life is, how to build relationships, how to believe in ourselves, and how to trust others.

Where is this? In the family system. If we get the proper love, affection, and appreciation from our family in our childhood, then we will not feel lonely and empty later in life. The desire to have a partner is not from the desire to be loved, but it comes from the energy to expand ourselves, our self-actualization, and our natural instinct of being a loving being.

We have this big energy and capacity of spreading love, channeling the love that we have within so that our souls will continue to burn, live, be excited, passionate, and happy.

We don't wait for other people to fill the void in us, and even if we get married we won't be demanding of our partner, because we are full (not empty). Now, what about the soul that feels lonely, unmotivated, detached, and confused in life?

Yes, if you want, please fill the void by learning to love yourself first as best you can and return all the love and kindness that you should have received either from your family or from the unfair experiences you've had, and heal your injured soul first.

If it is healed and fulfilled, this soul will gleam, emitting a very strong power and strength to its surroundings, shining lights to dark and lonely spaces, bringing and spreading love as widely as possible. This is the state of the soul that we all want and desire.

Back to the original question:

Is being single automatically make you lonely? No

Are those who have partners not lonely? Not really.

The answer depends on the state of his or her soul.

Let's do a check on each of us, are our souls still injured? If so, let's learn to love ourselves better. Before waiting to be loved, you must love yourself first.

Now when it comes to me, am I lonely? If there is a part of me that hasn't healed yet, means the answer is yes and that's okay. Let's accept ourselves completely with all that we’ve been through. We need to accept whatever condition our soul is in so that we can start this self-love process as soon as possible!

Thank you very much, everyone.


Author: Nurhayati Syafii

Editor: Ari Budi S