Change Starts Within: My Journey of Healing and Leadership

After 15 years of living the IofC way, and 11 years of learning with Nandor Lim, many people ask:

What do you do with Nandor?

Who is he?

I met him in 2010 at the International Tools for Change program in Malaysia. Then, in 2012, IofC Indonesia invited Ren Jou Liu to give a workshop on the family with the aim of increasing capacity and strengthening team bonding. However, because the distance between Indonesia and Taiwan is quite far, Ren Jou suggested that Nandor come to Indonesia instead.

In the end, it was Nandor Lim who came at that time and delivered a program called the Inner Growth Program. That three-day program was truly unforgettable. For the first time, I was able to know and understand how the family system greatly influences a person's spiritual growth, way of life, and how we make important decisions in life.

From there, I felt this was an important subject that I wanted to learn more deeply and, in 2014, I joined a more intensive training which at that time was called the Inner Growth Companionship Program (IGCP). This training lasted for 13 days with a duration of 12 hours a day. Even though it was intensive, the impact was massive and has kept me continuing that learning process to this day.

We read many books that Nandor brought as class materials. These books also serve as input for our Quiet Time (QT). Through them, we identify which parts of our lives need to be healed or improved. We then spiritually ask God for guidance on how to fix and improve those things. We have been doing these exercises and practicing them for years and the more we practice and read, the more we realize how much we still have to learn.  Some of the books we have read include On the Family, Homecoming, Inner Bonding, The Road Less Traveled, and Face to Face with Fear. We also give presentations for our family genograms, write letters, and engage in a process of deep reading and reflection.

(Participants of the Inner Growth Companionship Program (IGCP) during a learning session in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, 2015)

(IGCP participants presenting their family genograms in Bandung, Indonesia (2016), exploring family history as part of the inner work journey)

For IGCP XI, we spent a year reading the book The Healing Power of Illness. We reflected, discussed it, and shared our thoughts. Many of us discovered new things about ourselves. We reflected on our illnesses, our feelings, and our past experiences and ultimately we all gained personal insights regarding the physical and emotional illnesses we experience in ourselves and our families.

Throughout that year, our group met once a month to read together. This included Cleo from South Africa, who is part of CoP International and Trustbuilding, and who also joined our International Conference in Malaysia in 2025. We had incredible discussions and discovered many things about ourselves, which allowed us to recover step by step, slowly but surely.

After a year of reading and discussing online, Nandor and his team visited Indonesia for an in-person session. We take turns: one year the AKASHA team comes to Indonesia, and the following year the Indonesian team goes to AKASHA. We have been doing this for 11 years. Maintaining this relationship is not easy, but the effort we put in makes our bond stronger.

(IGCP XI in Bandung, Indonesia, with Nandor Lim and four members of his team)

(Group presentation during the IGCP session)

Nandor not only accompanies us in our inner work and self-process, but he has also became our mentor. He taught us how to build a team and sustain the IofC Indonesia organization to become what it is today. Nandor often brings his team when conducting classes in Indonesia. This makes us grow even closer with many people from the AKASHA team. In fact, you could say that the growth of the Indonesian team has also been heavily influenced by the work done by AKASHA and Nandor. The inner work in IGCP and with the AKASHA team has changed us in so many ways.

When we do inner work, we become aware of our conscious and subconscious minds, which ultimately leads to a greater social consciousness. All the energy of IofC Indonesia comes from each of us doing inner work and realizing that we must give back to society. This is exactly the IofC principle: change starts with me. We engage others, create answers, and provide hope for humanity.

I want to share my personal experience during IGCP. Since the beginning of the program, I realized that forgiving my father was just a start. My first step after joining CoP opened all the gates of reconciliation in my life.  Previously, I did not understand what was happening to me. I faced suicidal thoughts, felt hopeless, powerless, worthless, and useless. I had absolutely no idea about my life or my future, and I even avoided thinking about it but then, I finally understood why my parents divorced and why I exist in this world. All that trauma has brought me to where I am today.

I am still in the process of accepting everything in my life: my destiny, my parents, and my family. Even to this day, I still struggle to fully accept them, but I no longer run away from that reality. I come from this family, and I must embrace that reality.

Slowly, I improved how I saw myself and now I realize that my life is worth living. What happened in the past, including my parents' divorce, was their problem, not my problem. I have already confronted my father, and he confirmed that it wasn't because he didn't love me; he just couldn't handle the situation at that time, which is why he left us.

As an adult, I understand that the situation at the time was not easy for him. I forgave him and accepted whatever he had done to me. I still remember how much he loved me and how he tried to reach out to me despite all his struggles. He is now gone. Although my life is not always peaceful, I am grateful for the legacy he left for me. I thank him, I thank his wife, and I thank my step-siblings who cared for him until his final days.

After all this learning, is my journey over? No. I still struggle to maintain my relationship with my mother. I have not yet healed all the wounds caused, and sometimes she still does things that hurt me without realizing what she is doing.

Through all these reflections, I realize how special it is to have the opportunity to encounter IofC, join these programs, and work with Nandor. It is a privilege to be able to improve myself, gain knowledge, and practice spirituality in daily life. Now, I am working hard to improve my relationship with my mother and my siblings.

(In the early days of the School of Reconciliation, only two participants came to the session)

I can honestly say that I found the courage to marry Huda because, in the end, I knew that I deserve to be loved. I am valuable, and God created me for a great mission in this world. I am grateful to have the opportunity to be a mother to my son, because I know our future depends on what we do today for the next generation.

Through this program, I have grown so much and it has enabled me to become a better wife, mother, and woman, as well as to contribute meaningfully to society. I am a Muslim, and I believe in the principle: the best of humans are those who are most beneficial to others.

Back in 2005, when I was still in high school, I constantly had suicidal thoughts. I felt hopeless and saw no future but now, through this program, I want to keep living. I want to face all of life's challenges while simultaneously giving hope and human value to others.

I share my experience through my own lens, with the hope of building a support system and creating change so that our lives and society can have a better future. We will continue this learning process; as a quote from the Hadith says, seek knowledge from the cradle to the grave.

(Celebrating years of companionship with nasi kuning, a traditional and simple Indonesian way of marking special moments)