What makes someone so certain that life "out there" can offer a better future? For Noviana Notty, the answer began when she was still a child, sitting in the yard with her beloved dog, Gray, gazing at the sunset. She was born in Kupang, East Nusa Tenggara, one of the islands in Eastern Indonesia. At eight years old, she harbored a wound too deep for a child her age to comprehend, yet it was precisely this wound that awakened her resolve. With a soft voice mingled with sobs, she prayed, "God, I want to go west. It must be better there, and I can go to school."

Novi shared her story in Kuping Haya

Her family background was full of struggle. Her mother, unable to continue her own education, had to work from a young age just to survive. A harsh style of upbringing was passed down to the children, including on Noviana’s first day of school, which did not end sweetly. The broom became a witness to the bitterness of her struggle against fear and tardiness. Yet, once the anger subsided, her mother treated her wounds and left her with a message: education is an escape route that must never be abandoned. That message stayed in her mind well into adulthood.

For the sake of school, little Noviana worked from an early age, willing to sacrifice her childhood. When the family she was staying with declared that her education would end at high school and that she would be directed to become a seamstress, her heart broke once again. However, the prayer she made at twilight was apparently heard. In 2003, she finally set foot in Bandung. That was the first "west" she had ever dreamed of.

Although she appeared strong and managed to survive into adulthood, childhood wounds do not simply vanish. She grew into a person who always pushed herself forward, yet occasionally, a fragile side would whisper softly, asking for company. Her encounter with the School of Reconciliation (Sekolah Rekonsiliasi) became the beginning of a journey home. In a safe reflection session, she rediscovered the little Noviana who once felt so alone. This time, she arrived as an adult capable of embracing and soothing her.

There was one moment that left a deep impression. It was when she realized that what she needed was no longer to forget the past, but to allow herself to feel that wound again, accept its existence, and heal it slowly. In that space, she also began to view her mother’s struggles through a more holistic lens: that behind the strict discipline lay insecurity and fear passed down across generations.

Noviana’s journey to the west is a life journey full of loss, encounters, and learning. Her desire to walk far was not solely due to ambition, but also a drive to escape the cycle of pain she once knew. Yet, the further she walked, she discovered one certainty: we always carry both of ourselves, the adult and the wounded child, and it is to that left-behind inner child that we always return.

"I want to keep growing, not for others, but for myself," she expressed. For her, growth is the courage to face oneself, to accept what could not be accepted before, and to believe that she is worthy of welcoming a good future. The Kuping Haya program became a safe space where stories like hers found a voice. A space where wounds were not hidden, but tended to together. Stemming from the values lived by Initiatives of Change Indonesia, conversations like these not only heal the storyteller but also hold up a mirror for the listeners.

Noviana’s journey to the west is not over. She knows that every subsequent step will still be filled with challenges, but now she steps more lightly, because she knows she is no longer alone.

Writer: Stella Susanti (Kuping Haya team)
Editor: Ari Budi S