The Courage to Be Human: When Men and Women Find the Courage to Share
On 22 August 2026, Men’s Learning Circle (MLC) and Women Creator of Peace (CoP) Indonesia held a collaborative event at HOWL Library & Creative Space, Bandung. Under the theme ‘The Courage to Be Human: Exploring Vulnerability, Power, Connection, and How We Relate to One Another’, the event brought together 12 men and 12 women in a space to share stories and feelings without fear of judgement.
When I first read the theme ‘The Courage to Be Human’, I was struck by it and reflected in silence. Memories from my childhood came flooding back, one by one. Back then I was seen as a rebel for daring to express my disagreement. I was also considered odd for questioning things that others felt shouldn’t be questioned. As a result, my courage to be myself gradually faded as I grew up.
Perhaps it was those experiences that made this theme feel so close to home. It seems that, as human beings, we are too afraid to show our true selves. We often keep our thoughts and feelings tightly locked away inside ourselves. We’re afraid of being judged by others, afraid of being seen as different, and even afraid of feeling that we aren’t good enough.
Showing our emotions or being different from most people is often seen as embarrassing. Perhaps that’s why, in my view, the courage to be vulnerable is no simple matter.
A Space to Listen and Be Heard
The event was opened by Miftahul Huda, Executive Director of IofC Indonesia. He introduced IofC Indonesia and explained the concepts of Connection, Correction, Direction, and Action. Connection refers to connecting with oneself. Correction means identifying what needs improvement within oneself. Direction involves determining the path one wishes to take, whilst Action involves deciding the steps to take.
However, one factor above all felt relevant to the day’s theme: people need opportunities to listen and to be listened to. We need a voice to tell our stories and ears to listen to others. This safe space was created through the IofC golden rules: no judgment, no projections (i.e., not comparing or projecting one’s own experiences onto others), no suggestions, and keeping what is discussed within that space confidential. Guidance from these rules has taught me to really listen to others. It has also meant I am not afraid to share my own story just as it is.
Going from Dating to Marriage and Motherhood
Before starting the main session, Faza, the Coordinator of the Indonesian CoP, shared about her journey with IofC Indonesia. She first came across IofC whilst she was dating. She then married, became pregnant, and eventually became a mother. For her, IofC felt like a full circle: a source of companionship through various phases of her life. She also spoke about her first experience attending a Peace Circle, which came just when she was experiencing burnout due to the various roles she was juggling.
The CoP Peace Circle subsequently became a safe space for her to share her experiences. Hearing Faza’s journey made me reflect on how a woman navigates the various phases of her life.
To me, a mother who remains true to herself is something extraordinary. Around me, many women seem to lose themselves after getting married and having children. Their identities merge into that of a wife or a mother. Faza demonstrates that being a wife and a mother does not mean ceasing to be creative and make an impact.
When Men Learn to Connect with Themselves
Mike Lowe then shared his perspective on men and emotions. According to Mike, men have long been encouraged to suppress their feelings and always appear strong. He linked this to the history of colonisation and how such constructs have influenced the way men view emotions and vulnerability.
His personal experience of going through a divorce 13 years ago was a turning point that led him to start looking within himself. This journey subsequently led him to become a facilitator for men’s groups. In his view, men need a safe space to bring their minds, feelings and bodies into harmony.
After the opening session, participants were divided into two groups: men and women. The men’s group was led by Ari from the Men’s Learning Circle, whilst the women’s group was led by Nenden Prawira, Senior Facilitator at CoP Indonesia.
Women and a Circle to Allow Emotions to Flow
In the women's circle, the session began with one of the ten CoP points: ‘What is Peace Anyway?’ Each participant was asked to choose two photographs provided by the organisers: one that they felt depicted peace and one that, conversely, undermined peace. Then, everyone had the opportunity to explain the reasoning behind their choices. There were no right or wrong answers. What mattered was the story behind each choice.
I chose a photograph of an elderly woman as a symbol of peace-building. From my perspective, that elderly woman is me in the future—someone who has made peace with and come to terms with herself. For the image that undermines peace, I chose a photograph of a spider’s web. I was reminded of one of the surahs in the Qur’an, namely Al-Ankabut, which means ‘the spider’. For me, a spider’s web serves as a reminder that what humans build is fragile and that, ultimately, all living things will face death.
Throughout the session, Nenden reminded us that any emotion that arose was welcome with no need to hold back: It’s okay to cry; it’s okay to be angry. Any emotion may be felt. This serves as an important addition to the ‘golden rules’ previously outlined: Not only should we avoid judging each other, but also we should not judge the emotions arising within ourselves.
(Woman creator of Peace Ciircle)
The women’s session then concluded with an appreciation exercise using a ‘rope of trust’. Each participant expressed appreciation to another participant by passing on the rope, until it eventually returned to the first participant.
CoP itself will continue this journey through the ‘Full Circle of Peace’, which will explore the ten conversation points of CoP and is scheduled to take place in November and December 2026. But more than the program of activities, I was struck by what the other participants shared. They are extraordinary in the way they go through their life struggles. Despite their difficulties, they still found the courage to attend this event, to make themselves vulnerable and to keep growing.
When Men Finally Dare to Share Their Stories
In the Men’s Learning Circle, it turns out that the stories that emerged were just as profound.
Some of the topics discussed were things that are difficult to talk about in everyday social settings. When a friend shares a story amongst a group of mates, it can easily end up being made fun of. But when men are given a safe space to share their stories, they find the courage to speak about what they are actually thinking and feeling. There is a need for support from fellow men that cannot always be found from women.
(Men's Learning circle)
The session concluded with a round of appreciation using sticky notes. The session, which lasted less than three hours, proved not to be long enough for all of the male participants to share their stories. For this reason, Ari, the coordinator of the Men’s Learning Circle programme, hopes there will be more events like this for men, with more participants.
At present, the Men’s Learning Circle itself still has fewer than ten members and has held several online sessions. Seeing these men willing to open up and learn to be emotionally present gives me a sense of calm. I believe that the more men who dare to be emotionally present, the greater my hope that we will see a reduction in the phenomenon of fatherlessness in Indonesia.
The Courage to Be Human
The event then drew to a close with each participant receiving a single yellow or pink rose, before everyone posed for a group photograph. However, in my view, what we took away from this event was more than just a flower. Everyone came with a simple need: to be listened to without judgement. There were 12 men and 12 women who came into a room and were willing to reveal a part of themselves that they might have kept hidden until now.
(After each circle, we come together to share our highlights, reflect on the experience, and capture the moment with a group photo)
For me, this is something extraordinary, especially when I see men who dare to open up. On social media, the tagline ‘Men never open up’ is often shared, as if the ability to bottle everything up were somehow cool. Yet perhaps the opposite is true. Men who dare to open up are the true definition of cool. Not because he lacks emotions, but because he dares to acknowledge that he is a human being with emotions.
And perhaps, the courage to be human really is that simple: having the courage to say what we feel, having the courage to listen to others, and having the courage to give others the space to be themselves. I took home “The Courage to Be Human” as a reminder: being human requires great courage, and that courage is worth fighting for.
Writer : Karlinda Sebastian
Editor : Ari Budi S
Proofreader : Mike Lowe