WHEN FORGIVENESS BECOMES THE PATH TO MYSELF

That day, I heard the sound of people weeping, including the cry within myself. There was a part of me weeping, screaming, and returning to the past, to the time when I lost who I was. Some of those cries were loud, others were faint whispers. Cries for courage to face those who caused us hurt. Cries for the courage to move on from wounds. Cries for the courage to forgive. 

I spent 3 days and 2 nights with the Circle of Peace in Bandung. I do not know where God intended to lead me, but the candle that was lit brought forth a light of hope within me. A light of hope to create a new story. 

(Participants expressing their personal definitions of peace through clay—shaping ideas, feelings, and hopes into meaningful creations)

“What is peace, anyway?” asked Riri, one of our facilitators. “Yes! What is it!?” echoed the voice inside me. It was a deep exploration because, in the Circle of Peace, I could define my own meaning of peace through the clay forms we sculpted. Going deeper, what surprised me most was realizing that if personal anxiety is not unraveled and resolved, it influences not only oneself but also those around us. Conversely, collective wounds are also shaped by personal wounds. Linda, one of the participants, shared that she was then able to identify the motives within herself. 

“[I can] identify what the motive is behind every action,” – Linda Sebastian 

In the Circle of Peace, our wounds were not glorified, nor did they trap us in the confinement of the word "victim." Instead, we were asked to face those wounds. To face the people who are difficult for us to forgive. We were asked to realize how peace within us will never occur without forgiveness, because holding a grudge against others keeps us imprisoned in a sense of anxiety. 

We were asked to engage in a dialogue with the people we struggled to forgive through a letter. The letter conveyed that I was ready to forgive that person. It was a difficult phase, a phase that brought me to tears. Tears of release. Releasing the anger and grief of being hurt, and accepting the peace and happiness that came from that release. I could even sense that feeling from fellow participants; for instance, Mrs. Chintia Giana mentioned, “My anger toward my parents is not as great as it used to be.” 

(Through heartfelt letters, participants express forgiveness, empathy, and the courage to heal relationships)

This Circle of Peace journey was not a lonely one, despite the personal issues shared. There were friends from Creators of Peace who accompanied me and listened to my story. Here, every story is valuable, allowing us to release old narratives and create new ones. What Jo shared made me even more grateful that “being a woman is a beautiful gift from God.” It was through this Circle of Peace journey that I discovered wounds and that forgiveness could free me from the shackles of inner unrest; it was when I finally forgave that I was ultimately able to return to myself. 

Writer : Anisa Eka Putri Kusmayani 

Editor : Ari Budi S

Proofreader : Peter Heyes