Creating Safe Spaces for Trust and Tolerance: Reflections from IofC Indonesia’s Training of Facilitators
Ciputat, August 9, 2025 — In response to the growing cases of intolerance that fuel harmful narratives against certain groups in society, Initiatives of Change (IofC) Indonesia hosted “Training of Facilitators, Trustbuilding Program: Heal the Past, Hope for the Future”, a three-day event on August 8–10, 2025, at UIN Campus. The program featured Mike Lowe, senior facilitator from IofC Australia, renowned for his extensive experience in the Life Matters Course and Inner Development Goals.
This event is a series of discussions and reflections of how conflict, be it at a domestic or perhaps communal level, often stems from clashing narratives, entrenched stereotypes, and a lack of awareness of one’s own needs and emotions. Such struggles are frequently overlooked or underestimated, which makes us wonder what exactly is the true definition of ‘tolerance’ and what does it mean for us to create peace through it?
For us peacebuilders and facilitators, the challenge lies in creating safe spaces where emotions, stories, and differing perspectives can be voiced, understood, and embraced. This program sought to equip participants with the skills to do just that—building trust as the foundation for reconciliation and harmony.
Teaching and Facilitating
Too often, facilitation is mistaken for teaching, when in reality the two hold distinct roles and approaches. During the session, participants reflected on their own understanding of ‘teaching’ and ‘facilitating’. The group concluded that teaching often follows the mindset: “I know something that you don’t, and I am going to give you that knowledge.” This dynamic naturally creates a power gap between teacher and student. Facilitation, on the other hand, is about fostering the conditions in which each individual can discover what they need to know for themselves.
“As trust builders, we are not experts, often people expect us to have all the answers. But we are simply creating an environment in which we can all grow together,” Mike stated in one of the discussions.
Creating a Safe Space for Emotions
Building trust begins with creating a safe space—a container where people can break free from old narratives and form new, hopeful ones. Outside this space lies the deeper challenge: we are often conditioned to distrust anything that strays from the narratives ingrained in us since childhood. These ideas, tied to harmful stereotypes, lock us into cycles of misunderstanding.
As we grow older, we begin to notice how certain emotions are unwelcome. Anger is mistaken for aggression. Fear is dismissed as weakness. Tears are seen as something to be suppressed. From a young age, we are–in Indonesia–told to “calm down,” “there’s nothing to fear,” or “stop crying and be strong.” These repeated messages teach us to push our emotions aside—yet when communities are in conflict, it is precisely these unacknowledged feelings that surface as pain.
To build trust, we must create spaces where emotions are not silenced, but voiced without fear. As facilitators, this requires us to do the inner work ourselves, cultivating self-awareness and emotional openness, so we can help others do the same.
“Emotions play a very important role, and often in western culture, there’s no place for emotions because they value thinking and ideas. When in fact, emotions drive our behaviour,” Mike explains.
Mr. Irfan, a researcher at the Center for the Study of Religion and Culture, noted that efforts to resolve conflict and promote tolerance such as encouraging self-reflection and expanding perspectives through scriptures and readings, have long been attempted. Yet, these approaches often fall short. The consensus was clear, verses and teachings alone are not enough; touching people’s hearts on an emotional level is equally essential for lasting peace.
Emotions, after all, play a powerful role in shaping our behaviour. Without awareness, we risk being controlled or even exploited by them. The goal is not to suppress what we feel, but to truly experience it. When emotions are acknowledged, they can move and transform. But when suppressed, they remain stagnant—like unexpressed anger that, instead of dissipating, lingers and builds within us, waiting for an outlet.
Emotions can be seen as signals, messages from the body that something needs our attention. This is why it’s important to recognize the full range of emotions and avoid reducing them to broad categories like anger, sadness, or joy. Too often, we equate anger with aggression, a misconception reinforced by media, cultural narratives, and even our upbringing. As Mike explained, anger is usually a sign that something is not right and that change is needed.
When we witness events like the ongoing crisis in Gaza, the anger and grief we feel are natural signals that something is deeply wrong. But responding to anger with violence only fuels more violence, creating an endless cycle of aggression. True change requires breaking that cycle, not feeding it.
One of the underlying drivers of communal conflict and violence is unexpressed anger—people feeling it, but not knowing how to channel it. As facilitators, we affirm that it is okay to feel anger; it is a valid emotion. But we also emphasize that it must not own us or dictate our actions, especially in ways that turn into aggression. Aggression does not bring change—it only deepens division.
When someone directs anger toward us, it is rarely about us personally. More often, it reflects the struggles they are facing and the emotional burdens they carry. Recognizing this allows us to respond with empathy rather than defensiveness, creating space for dialogue instead of escalation.
Discover the Other
To create such a container, we must broaden our awareness and “discover the other”—understanding communities and groups different from our own. In one group activity, participants reflected on the diversity around them—race, religion, age, gender, sexuality, education, and economic background—then shared perspectives on what it truly means to live in diversity.
When it comes to responding to conflict, violence is often the easiest route, yet as we’ve agreed, it only perpetuates the cycle. Alternatives like separation or assimilation have also proven harmful throughout history, reinforcing the dominance of one group over another and justifying control, colonization, and division. Such approaches strip away rights, identities, and dignity, replacing them with fear and hatred.
This leaves us with the most peaceful path: tolerance. Yet tolerance is not without conditions. Under pressure and tension, it can fracture, even giving way to violence. Understanding this means we must reevaluate what tolerance truly is, and how it can be nurtured in a way that sustains peace.
This reevaluation of tolerance was echoed by Jundy, a participant in the Training for Facilitator program, who offered a fresh perspective. “Tolerance isn’t as simple as saying, ‘Your business is your business, and my business is my business.’ It’s about how groups with more influence or resources can provide space and acknowledge the needs of those with less access or representation—and how those communities, in turn, can respect and appreciate that without provocation,” he explained.
Building on this understanding of tolerance, the program also highlighted four key principles for peacebuilders and facilitators.
The first is to step out of our comfort zone. While it can feel risky—unfamiliar, even unsettling—it is essential for gaining new knowledge, discovering opportunities, and embracing fresh perspectives.
The second is to truly listen. Listening goes beyond hearing words; it means setting aside our assumptions and approaching others with genuine curiosity—like coming with an “empty cup.” This openness creates space for trust, helping us uncover needs that might otherwise remain hidden.
The third is to focus on what is right, not who is right. Our instinct in conflict is often to defend our position, but facilitators can help shift the focus toward solutions by practicing non-violent communication, lowering defensiveness, and fostering equal understanding.
Finally, change must begin with ourselves. As Mike Lowe reflected, “It’s not ‘I’ expect ‘you’ to change. It’s how we are able to reflect and ask ourselves, ‘Is there something we/I have done or do which causes division?’”
Quiet Time - Tools for change
Alongside these principles, the program also introduced Quiet Time—or “QT”—a long-standing IofC practice of pausing to reflect, recollect, and redirect. In facilitation, we rarely have all the answers, and that’s the point. QT creates space for participants to take ownership of the session’s direction and for us, as facilitators, to remain open to where it might lead.
Believing we know everything is a mistake; facilitation is about experimenting, adapting, and responding to the needs of the moment. QT allows people to connect more deeply—with themselves and with others—in an environment where honesty is welcomed, and the process is trusted. Our role is simply to hold that safe space and let it do its work.
The Importance of This Event for Indonesian Society
Indonesia is often celebrated as a haven of diversity—home to more than 300 ethnic groups, or more precisely, 1,340 tribes according to the 2010 BPS census. Our national motto, Bhinneka Tunggal Ika (“Unity in Diversity”), reflects the vision of a nation united despite vast cultural, ethnic, and religious differences.
Yet beneath this positive image lie historical wounds—unspoken grievances, silent tensions, and lingering distrust between communities, between civil society and the government, and even among ethnic groups. These unresolved pains, often passed down through generations, leave scars that shape how we see and treat one another.
In a society where such wounds are rarely addressed, this program offered space to acknowledge the grudges of the past—not to forget them, but to face them, release them, and transform them into lessons. It was about hearing each other’s pain, understanding each other’s fears, and making a conscious choice: not to let history’s divisions repeat themselves. For peacebuilders, it is our role to protect these values by creating places where emotions can be expressed, understood, and healed.
As Anisa, a facilitator of Trustbuilding, reflected, “To me, I think that these corrupt officials are just people who don't know how to express their needs and emotions.” Her words reminded us that at the root of many destructive actions lies an unmet emotional need—and that our work begins with creating spaces where those needs can be heard.
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During the two days I spent with IofC Indonesia, I embarked on a journey of exploration and reconciliation—both with others and within myself. I learned that presence is more than simply showing up for those around us, but it is also about showing up for ourselves. It’s about being present with our own feelings and needs, not out of selfishness, but as an act of inner listening to ourselves, in order to be whole, grounded, and at peace. I came to understand how deeply intertwined self-awareness is with our ability to contribute meaningfully to a diverse society. Our voices, our actions, and our initiatives matter. They help create safe spaces where others can search for their own answers, share their wounds, acknowledge their feelings, and be embraced as human beings—worthy of being heard, seen, and loved.
— Athaya Raihan Nasywa Bramoro,
Student of Jakarta State Islamic University, Creative Writer, and Volunteer of IofC Indonesia